6.30.15 LAST EMAIL

I wanted to send you a couple awesome emails I received from friends this week:

Hey man, I know this is your last p-day and then you are home!? How do you feel?? I’m proud of you, brother, and really know that you changed a lot of lives while you were in the mission and that you served the Lord diligently with all your heart and soul.  I know it and I love you for it and I am grateful for your great example.  You are an amazing man and now it’s time for the rest of your life! It is a lot harder than the mission and A LOT more dangerous. Just make sure that you review those goals you set.  Go over them regularly and you don’t vary. Don’t worry about being that awkward return missionary.  It’s a good thing. Being normal is overrated, so be awkward and be careful. Be overly sensitive and selective about the things you do, watch, and listen to. I know you will do great things, man! I love you and am way stoked for you!! I hope you appreciated the last few days of hard work and now you are ready for more work!!! I love you, man, and can’t wait to see you!! Hey, when is the family reunion and where?! I wanna see you, fool! Let me know the details! I’m proud of you man!!   - Tim Rampton

Wow, that's crazy! Enjoy your last week - work hard - seriously, God will use you up until the very last possible moment to spread his word. Haha I got to teach two people on the airplane ride home! Totally wasn't expecting that! But it was a really neat experience. 

Seriously I've never driven so carefully in my life! And my brother thinks he's going to drive it when he gets home. . . haha he's crazy :P 

Well when you're in Utah, look me up! :D (385) 626-9475

So there's just two things I wanted to share with you that helped me a ton coming home. . . 

First, everybody has their personal opinions of when you should "adjust" and "be normal" again. If anything anybody says goes against what Pte. Smith has said, just ignore them. Hahaha I still haven't met someone as in tune with the Spirit as he is! Don't stop doing what you know you need to do. 

Second, God does not ever want us to "be normal" and let go of the mission! There's a difference between adjusting and letting go or conforming. It's the difference between moving forward and moving on. When He decides it's time, the Lord can help you move forward - not move on. God knows! And he'll still be with you and guiding you when you get home! In the mission we catch a glimpse of who we can become eternally, and it's so exciting and motivating. But at home, it's harder to keep that vision cuz Satan and the world want us to be normal and blend in. So whatever guidance Pte Smith has given you, and whatever personal revelation you've received, just hold onto that and make it happen. It's easy to conform, but that doesn't make it right. 

So yup, haha sorry if that sounded preachy, but those are the two things I've struggled with the most since being home and even though I'm still kinda figuring out how to deal with it, these things help. So take it for what it's worth :) 

Have a great week! 

6.30.15 last email

It's the last... email ....Eeeeverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

So...this week went by crazy fast! I've basically been saying goodbye to everyone, inviting people to be baptized so that they can go to the temple, and working with the Home and Visiting Teaching lists that our leaders give us. 

We had Family Home Evening with the Ayala family. Hno Ayala is still our Elders Quorum Pte. We always have the best Family Home Evenings when we're with them. He had us write down some of the things that are of great value to us that we've learned on the mission. Then when we were done, we read something that an old stake pres gave them when they were both in institute. It was a list of things that a missionary comes home with (besides souvenirs). A bunch of the things were things that I wrote down and a bunch of the other things were things that I didn't even think about but that are true. I thought a lot about how blessed I am to have served a mission. I also thought about how much those that don't serve a mission miss out. Hno Ayala gave me the advice to never forget what I've learned on the mission. He said, ''cherish what you've learned. It is EVERYTHING that the Lord has given you to help you get back to him. What you've learned on your mission is the key to happiness. Never let anyone make you think or feel that what you've learned is good for nothing.'' It was another amazing lesson with him and his wife. 

So what I've been thinking and feeling. I'm really excited and ready to come home! I'm amazed at everything that I've learned and can't believe how blessed I am. I know that I've learned all that the Lord wanted me to learn in these short two years. I've been working really hard through these past couple of months on growing up and becoming more spiritual. I've made some progress but at the same time, I still say dumb things, crack dumb jokes, and I act like a 7-year-old sometimes. I enjoy arguing with people for fun and I fake overly judge people because I think it's hilarious. Idk... I hope I'm weird when I get home. I don't really care too much what others think about me, but I do care about what the Lord thinks about me, what I think about myself and what you guys think about me. I know that I have a lot more to change. It's pretty crazy though that I've been praying about these things and I've gotten emails like this from people. I can't wait to work together on becoming better people. I know that you guys know that I know that you know that I'm not going to be coming home perfect. I'm pretty sure that Mom's going to say a couple times,''2 years and the kid learned nothing (shaking her head)'' but just know that I'm willing to keep changing with you all. Let me know everything I need to do to be better. Please think about what I need to do better to get closer to my Heavenly Father though...not what I need to do to ''be more normal''. Remember, for as spiritual as I may seem when I get home, I still think that farts are funny, girls are cute and that we're aloud to say whatever we want as long as it's a quote from a movie we've all seen. But I love what was talked about in Stake Conference and I'm excited to follow the counsel that we've received from our leaders. If there is one thing that I've learned it is that we HAVE to follow our leaders. I've done it my entire mission and it has worked out every time. 

Thanks for everything though...we're going to have a bunch to talk about when I get home!!! I don't have much time but I'll be seeing you soon. I have a bunch more that I want to write but there's no time. I love you all!!! Thanks for everything! 

All my love,

Elder McRae

6.22.15

Hey! 

So I don't have much time to write. Our bishop was relieved yesterday and now Bishop Albano is the new bishop. It's crazy!!!! He's awesome though. Bishop Sandes was the bishop for 5 years and gave an incredible talk. All of my leaders in the mission are so amazing. He talked about the importance of the sacrament again; about how it isn't just eating bread and drinking water. We have to come with a broken heart and a contrite spirit. If we don't do our home teaching visit and it's the first Sunday of the month we had better be begging God to forgive us for the sin we have committed and not do it again. He talked about a bunch of things and it was awesome. 

Also, we had a ward activity. Btw, it's about 25 degrees here, and with humidity, so people have been dying in the street from the cold. Nobody wants to go to church, nor activities or to work.  But, the activity was awesome. Hna Ayala had her baby girl (Sofia) yesterday. Hno Ayala (Pte Elders Quorum) had movie clips from Finding Nemo to talk about Home Teaching and it was awesome. 

Everyone wants to give me food because I'm leaving ,so it's hard to not get fatter. Things are going really well though! I love the pictures and I would have loved to have been there with you guys! This'll be the last time I write you on Monday because next week is changes. I can't believe time has gone by so fast.  Well, yeah I can, but still… It's crazy. I've been filling out some papers about my experiences and I've been going back and reading in my journal and it seems like my mission lasted a couple of months. I'm so grateful for every moment though. I'm excited to see you all! Thanks for everything. We'll be talking on Tuesday! 

Love, Elder McRae

6.7.15

Hey family! 

So this week, I'm not sure what happened. The weeks are kind of blurring together. Nothing too interesting happened this week. We did divisions with the assistants and one of our district leaders. The two lunches that we had were both incredible, so E' Villar missed out. He got to go to the temple though for a sealing of one of his converts, so that’s probably better.

        While he was at the temple, I worked with Juan Manuel (one of the youth who is preparing to serve a mission). A bunch of people are progressing. Camila went to church finally and brought a friend. Maria Noel and her boyfriend are planning on getting married so that she can get baptized and they can get sealed in the temple. I was with Juan Manuel and E' Harbold (district leader) when we went and visited Maria Noel and Nicolas. They wanted to have a Noche de Hogar. At the end of the lesson and activity, they were like, “well, we couldn't make a dessert so it looks like you guys are going to have to eat dinner with us instead.” They gave us polenta. I don't know what it's called in English but it's disgusting. Not only is it gross at it's best cooked form, they cooked it before the Family Home Evening, so it was cold and awful!  But, they're good people and I’m grateful for their generosity.

Yesterday we went to the Stake President’s house to have a lesson with his family and him. He doesn't live in our ward, but we figured it would be good to meet with him and his family at his house instead of at the stake center. Did you know that the temple is the most sacred place on the earth and our homes are the second most sacred? Not the church?  I didn't know that! But anyways, it was a great lesson. We talked about the gathering of Israel and the connection it has to Home and Visiting Teaching. The covenant that God made with Abraham is that all of the families of the earth will be blessed through his posterity. We are his posterity.  Through us, He fulfills his promises, so if we don't do our visits (with the purpose of blessing the family) we're not helping him fulfill His promises. We were able to discuss much of this concept and then we connected it to the plan we've received from the area. They loved it and we had a great time teaching and talking to President and his family. 

I'm loving the mission still. It's crazy how when we help the ward get stronger, the Lord gives us success. I love you all. Be sure to send a BUNCH of pictures of Scotland! 

I loved the pics of the camps. I miss them so much!

E' McRae 

So last week I talked about concilio. So after concilio we were so excited that my head exploded.  I'll tell you guys the story later but yeah, I'm an idiot. I'm completely fine though. It already healed up.  

Nope.  I didn't have to get stitches. It was big, but not really deep. 

6.1.15

Wow!!!! Kolter is HUGE! Make sure you send a bunch of pictures of the Liberty camp!

Alright, so Pte changed things up on the whole process of writing emails so now I'll have less time to write you guys.  So we had concilio this week. It was my last concilio. It was so good that later when I get home, I'll tell you what happened. 

We also had Stake Conference. Our Stake President is a stud. He spoke in the Leadership Session about delegating and being a leader. It was awesome... I have it all written down in my study journal. After the meeting with the leaders, Pte Ponce's counselor came up to E' Villar and I and told us that Pte wanted to talk to us. Pte Ponce said that Pte Smith was supposed to go to the meeting with the adults that night, but he wasn't going to be able to make it. So we were going to have to talk in his place. So we had 40 minutes to come up with a 5-min talk. E' Villar spoke about ministering with the Book of Mormon (it was an awesome talk!) and then I spoke on the Gathering of Israel and about how if we understand the doctrine of the gathering of the house of Israel, then we'll work in the Lord's vineyard. We did AWESOME! I prefer the 5-min talks more using strictly doctrine instead of 20 min of me talking.  Pte Ponce said that they were incredible. The next day at Stake conference, Pte Smith basically gave the exact same talk as me, using the same scriptures and everything! People came up to me and were like, ''Wow, you and Pte Smith must have been on the same page.'' Really, all of us as missionaries are on the exact same page as Pte Smith. All of us in Estaca Flores are on the same page as Pte Ponce.  I love following my leaders!!  When we follow the direction that they give us, we have so much success. It's awesome how the Lord has his plan, and he sends it through so many people, but in the end, we all share the same message and follow the same plan. By the way, we have a couple of people that are getting ready to be baptized. 

We had an incredible testimony of Buscar con Fe (Search with Faith). We were looking for more bows and arrows for a Zone activity in a store, and when we first looked there weren't any more. E' Villar wanted to go ask somebody if there were any in the back or something, so we asked and they said that there weren't any more. He didn't give up. He was like, ''No E' McRae! Tenemos que buscar con FE!!!'' so we went back to check and when we did, a box fell over and there were bows and arrows there(: haha He got more excited for finding a box of bows and arrows than finding new investigatores. 

Things are going really well though.  I wish I could tell you more but, you'll just have to wait until after you get back from Scotland!!! Send MORE PICTURES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please... I love you all!!!

E' McRae

PS. E' Villar got mad that I said he got more excited about the bows... in reality WE got excited(: 

5.25.15

Yes, I got the money and it's safe. It was really easy. 

So on Saturday, we had an asado (Uruguayan BBQ) at the Bishop's house. We were with Lipo and his grandparents. Lipo's parents missed their flight so they didn't get here until Sunday afternoon. Today Lipo's parents took us out for lunch and bought us ice-cream. Lipo said that it's so weird not working. We talked about a bunch of stuff and E' Villar tried to understand some things we were talking about. Lipo's stepmom served in Puerto Rico and said that everyone talks funny here(: Lipo doesn't know where he's going to be staying and asked if we could room together at BYU. I read your email before, so I told him that I already have a place with Conner and Jared. What's it called though, so I can tell him? Maybe he can get an apartment close by or in the same complex. It was fun though and they all loved our stories. 

E' Villar and I went and got some stuff for Conner and Gavin. I'm sure they'll like their gifts... they’re not Uruguayan at all. Things have been going really well with E' Villar though. We don't stop laughing. The kid is hilarious. We've already talked about how he's going to come to BYU with me next year. His older brother is going to the Business College there and then transferring to BYU. He said he wants to do the same thing and play soccer. We've been training every day. The first day he couldn't move his legs. He reminds me of Emanuel(: How's E-man doing? Do we know? 

We've been working super well with the organizations and are getting all technological (or however you say it). We're sending information by email and using new smart phone apps and stuff... pretty soon we're going to be needing iPads to keep up with everything! Our ward loves us though.  Since E' Lipo finished his mission, all of the members are saying, ''looks like you're next McRae...6 short weeks left!'' There are so many things to do though!  We have concilio tomorrow with Pte Smith, so I won't write too much. I'm loving the mission though. I'll write more next week.  We’re just super busy.  It's a good thing though! 

I love all of you! I gave Lipo's dad Dad's email so he could send you some of the pictures we took!

E' McRae

E' Lipo gave me a portrait of himself that I hung up in out apartment in memory of him! I'm going to miss him!

5.19.15

Alright, so this week went really well. We had a bunch of new people in church. We have more people that are ready to go to the temple to do the work for their family members. We're going to be doing Family Search once a week too, so I'm going to be asking for some dates and stuff. If you could get me the birth dates and locations of my brothers and sisters and my aunts and uncles by next week that would be great. My Mi Familia folleto that had all of the dates and stuff in it was robbed along with my back pack so I'm going to need that info again. I have a couple stories though...

So our Elders quorum pres's name is Hno Ayala. We have FHE with him and his wife and son, Mateo, every now and then. Whenever we go over there the Hno has amazing things to share with us. He's the one that recommended us to read 2 Nephi 5. We also had an awesome FHE about the blessings of being fathers in which there was an activity where we answered Mateo's (4) questions. We had to teach him simply and take advantage of the opportunity to put the Gospel in there. Well this FHE was different. Because E' Lipo is finishing his mission, Hno Ayala asked us what we learned when it comes to success. E' Lipo said that he learned to never give up and keep trusting and using the Lord's atonement to gain success. I said, ''always asking myself what more can I do/change? And then doing EVERYTHING possible to do it... and fully depending on the Lord to show me my weakness so that I can change and do things His way.'' He told us to never forget those things that we learned on the mission because they will be the key to our success for the rest of our lives. He said that what the Lord taught him on his mission is what has helped him achieve what he has today. He had a talk by E' M. Russell Ballard called Mental Toughness. It was in English and he found it while he was on the mission and was looking for it in Spanish but couldn't find it. He speaks English pretty well so he knows what it means, but he wanted us to translate it for his wife. As we read the talk and translated it, I realized how much easier Spanish is than English first of all...and then I realized how our replies to Hno Ayala's questions were very similar to E' Ballards definition of success. The talk was about how our attitude has everything to do with our success... how we're in charge of our success and failure. NOBODY else!  Excuses don't help anything... take control of the situations instead of letting the situations take control of us… choose your battles... be tenacious... never giving up... depend on the spirit... follow Christ... and many other things. He talked about his experiences and how they have formed him into the person he is today and who he is with today. After the Family Home Evening, we asked about how he and his wife met.  Hno Ayala went and got a bunch of journals with papers in it and told the story with a bunch of evidence to prove that his side of the story was true. It was awesome. He's really good at helping us know what's most important and how we can be more successful. He talks to us about our future a lot. E' Lipo and I call our visits with him in his house ''trunky talks''. 

Cool story: So Peñarol and Nacional played on Sunday (the biggest rival teams in Uruguay). After lunch, we had to go to the Stake Center for our District Leader's graduation party. Well, we got on the bus and as we were getting on, we saw that the bus was filled with Nacional fans all on their way to the game. They were singing and chanting and getting pumped up for the game. They were like, ''Preach to us! We need the power of the Lord today to KILL Peñarol so they can go to H_ _ _ where they belong!'' It was pretty awesome because they were all happy and singing and stuff. The bus driver was obviously a Nacional fan because whenever there was a Peñarol fan at a bus stop (wearing black and yellow), the bus driver wouldn't stop to pick them up. Haha! But then, all of the people would flip them off from the bus and say bad words. All was all good until the bus stopped to let people get off… and of course, when they were getting off, a Peñarol fan got on. When the Peñarol fan got on, all of the people on the bus started saying awful things to the poor guy. He was all alone on a bus filled with Nacional fans screaming at him and telling him that he better get off the bus or they would slit his throat and stuff.  Yah, we decided it would be best to get off the bus(: Later that day, we found out that more people have died in Uruguay during those Peñarol vs Nacional games than in war.  Hahaha!  Ok, I don't know if it's true. It was a cool experience. 

Mario passed the sacrament with me and bought E' Lipo and I a tie holder. You know, those clip things that you put on your tie so that the tie doesn't fly everywhere? They're nice! 

E' Lipo will be finishing today. He'll see his Grandparents tomorrow and the rest of his family will be getting here on Saturday. Saturday night, we'll be having an asado at the bishop's house with his family and him. Like I said, my new comp is going to be E' Villar. We were both in Rivera when I was with E' Neilson. He's from Chile, he's hilarious and he loves soccer. We'll definitely be playing every morning. I was not expecting to finish up with him but it'll be perfect!

A bunch of other things happened but I don't remember it all. I'm glad that Gav’s in the good old retard classes like I was. It's better that way. I'm sure we're going to have a money/finances talk when I get home because I'm clueless about many things in life so be prepared, Dad.

Well, I love you all and can't wait to see you in 6 weeks!(; 

E' McRae         

5.11.15

Alright, so all of the Moms in the ward love us and said that this was the first time that missionaries have done something nice for them in the history of the church (remember? we went around and gave them delicious no-bake cookies?). One of our favorite mothers here in the ward has been struggling because she might have cancer, so the cookies made her a lot happier, if even for a day. This week we were able to work the entire area because the assistants left. It's a lot better this way because they weren't able to work with all of the awesome people that live on their half of the area due to all of the things they have to do. This week we did divisions with the district leaders and they loved the experiences that we had. Sunday was a voting day also, so people used that as an excuse to not go to church. Hna Ester received her endowments! We're preparing a bunch of people to be baptized for the next temple trip (for the Lord a temple baptism counts the same as a baptism of a living person). Camila has been progressing pretty well. She's praying for her baptismal date. She's also planning on going on a trip to 'Merica in July so she loves speaking to us in English. E' Lipo and I had a battle with our bows and arrows this morning for workouts... it's too cold to go outside ...we're babies. Other than that though, nothing really happened. I loved skyping and seeing you guys and especially loved the counsel you gave me. I'm super excited for my future and can't wait to see what I'm going to be learning this next month to fully prepare me to come home. Love you all! 

5.4.15

Ok, about the money...I'm pretty sure that the way that missionaries have done it without the card is through Western Union. 

I'm glad that you guys were able to do a family fast. I'd like Gavin to write me an email about what he felt and stuff. Now we just have to keep the commandments and diligently search for the answers that the Lord's willing to give us. I know that it could take some time. 

So this week went really well. A bunch of people went to church even though it was pretty cold. All of our Progressing Members achieved their goals and we're working a lot better with the ward organizations. After the leaders saw the people who they told us to visit for the week attend church, they got all excited to work with us and gave us more work to do. 5 of the 5 members we visited and invited to return to church this week, went! I'm talking about people who haven't gone to church in YEARS (3 of which have the Melchizedek priesthood). The member's testimonies were amazing and the inactive members who we've been visiting all felt the spirit. E' Lipo and I basically flew out of the church with joy and were like, ''LOOK AT WHAT THE LORD CAN DO!''

We had an awesome meeting with our stake pres. He loves us. At first he was not ok with how much we've been doing with the members and the ''small'' number of baptisms (in reality we're having the most baptisms here ever) and the stake president didn't like the direction of Pres Smith, but now he sees how important it is that we're full-purpose missionaries. 

The ward activity was awesome. We bought the wood for an asado and made choripan while watching Meet the Mormons. The activity was to pump up the members to help us plan a public massive activity in one of the high schools here in our area. They were all bawling and loved it. We have a youth in our ward named Juan Manuel who is preparing to leave for a mission and his mom and sister were in tears when they saw the missionary part of the movie. It made me think of how my departure was...it was like, ''whelp...we'll be seein' yuh in 2 years.'' and then I left with E' Sasser… oblivious of what I was really doing. Nothing like the movie. 

Something you guys can do for me is just really organize what we need to talk about. I'll have some things that I'll want to talk about of course. I don't want you to think that there are certain things that we can't talk about because you want me to be focused on the mission...trust me. There are way too many things to do and to worry about, that I'm not going to lose my focus. I've learned that going home doesn't end my mission. 

        A bunch happened this week but they are mainly stories about the people we're working with. Gavin and Abbie are going to be so lucky to serve a mission when The Lord has hastened His work so much. I can't wait to skype with you guys though at 2.30 our time! It's funny....I'm going to meet E' Lipo's family on Sunday and then I'll be meeting them in person when they come and get him in 2 weeks.

Thanks for everything that you're doing! I love you all! I got that package with all of the Sunday school kid's testimonies. They were awesome! 

E' McRae

4.13.15

 Thank you so much for your emails and prayers. Every time I ask for forgiveness or confess to someone for what I've done I feel so much better. Being a Zone Leader in Montevideo allows me to see all of the missionaries that train, are going home or that are being sent to Montevideo in the terminal in tres cruces. On Wednesday I was able to see E' Neilson (my son/who I trained) because he was going to train. I was able to ask him for forgiveness, tell him what happened and let him know I loved him. He let me know that I was his favorite companion and that I helped him make important repentance decisions when we were together. We talked about how amazing it feels to just let everything out and how it makes you want to confess every little thing. We were able to talk for a good amount of time and he let me know that he loved me and that he couldn't imagine his mission being the same without starting it off with me. E' Rampton finished the mission so I was able to see him in tres cruces as well. He told me that he was so proud of me and how blessed he was to have a trustworthy friend like me. He told me that we were going to for sure hang out and help one another stay strong after the mission. It still amazes me how perfect my companions are on the mission. I've been having incredible experiences with true prayer and enjoying the help and strength of Christ's atonement. I'm asking Him every night what I need to do to truly repent of everything I've done, looking to obey all commandments and being faithful to all personal covenants that I've made with Him. 

I'm grateful for every experience that I'm able to have while I'm still here. The Assistants moved into our house and ward so we've been showing them around the area. Mario was baptized and loved all of it. Pres Smith was able to go with all of the new missionaries. There was an investigator there from a different ward that went up to him and asked what it was like to be baptized. He was able to testify to her and actually committed her to take the same step of faith and be baptized. It was awesome. We've been finding new people and having a good number of people in church. All of the members love us and the leaders talk about how amazing we are in comparison to the missionaries in the past. They also love Pres Smith. They said that he and his missionaries are just better. Our bishop was Pres Smith's bishop when he was serving here. Our bishop keeps letting us know how happy he is to be part of our mission now (because before Barrio 7 belonged to the other stake and the other mission).  

Another RM got back from the Ecuador Guayaquil South mission. He gave his homecoming and talked about how Ecuador was and it was pretty cool because I wasn't really ever able to ask about how it was from Conner (I'm sure he tried to tell me all about it that day we had together but I wasn't really interested). All of us missionaries started to talk about how amazing our mission is. I'm sure other missions are great and everything but our mission really is the best. E' Dallin H. Oaks is coming the 21st. 

Thanks again for everything. I'm so grateful for this new perspective I have on life and my future. It's filled with hope and promises. I know that I'm really doing everything I can to follow the commandments because I can feel the remission of my sins taking place. I'm completely willing to do what He wants me to do and have felt humbled to the dirt which has brought countless times the visitation of the Holy Ghost. 

Keep me in your prayers and I'll keep you all in mine. 

Love, 

E' McRae

4.6.15

Hey, so I have an important email to write you...this week has been the most important week of my mission. I've been fasting and praying to be able to know how to tell you things and trust that the Lord will help me like He did this week. Last Tuesday, we had interviews with President Smith where he spoke with so much power and spirit; testifying of the blessings of true repentance and the eternal consequences if we didn't fully repent. He said that Godly sorrow leads us to not only forsake the sin, but confess it also. I immediately felt the spirit tell me that I had to repent and I saw the future blessings I'd receive if I would choose to truly repent. I told E' Liporada that I was going to go into a room and pray. In my prayer I begged Heavenly Father to help me go through with what the Spirit was telling me to do. As I entered into the room with President Smith, I felt Christ's presence with me. I confessed about the sins that I committed before the mission, which I had abandoned but never confessed. After I told him, he told me that he was so proud of me and wanted to know what changed.  Why had I told him then and not 20 months ago? I talked about my Patriarchal Blessing. There are promises about my wife, kids and membership in the church. There's a part that says, “There will be times of difficulty in your life, Cameron. There will be challenges and things that will test your resolve to keep the commandments and live honestly doing what is right. It is important that you commit NOW and make plans NOW to be completely honest throughout your life, to demonstrate integrity and truthfulness in ALL you do.”  I knew that if I were to go through the entire mission unworthily lying/deceiving my family, friends, companions, President Smith, converts, myself and the Lord, then I would never receive the blessings in my Patriarchal Blessing. I'd never be honest. Satan had me think that if I confessed, I'd let down so many people. I feared man, not God. When I felt the Spirit as President was talking, it was different. He made me think of the blessings of repenting. I felt that I'm sure I'd let a lot of people down. I'd let my parents down (who have done everything for me). I'd let my older brother down (who was the perfect example I needed to follow). I'd let my best friend and little brother down (who has looked up to me so much and who I've prayed for God to protect him and strengthen him so that he doesn't have to pass through the same things I have). I'd let my little sister down. I'd let the inspired companions down that the Lord has placed in my life. I'd probably let President down.  But I knew that my mom and dad care more about me being able to be with them in Heaven than for me ‘save face’. I knew that my testimony to my younger siblings about the true healing power of the atonement of Christ is more important than anything. Half of the companions I've had went through the same experiences and would love me just as much. I know now that President Smith loves me so much and has changed my life. He saved my life!  I'm so grateful for him. I explained to him that I knew that if I fully repented and did things the Lord's way, that in the future, after the consequences for my procrastination, I'd be blessed. I'd be able to, like it says in my patriarchal blessing, ''stay close to the Holy Ghost and allow Heavenly Father to guide me. As I do this, our paths will cross and I will understand who she is (my eternal companion) as I meet her for the first time.'' I knew that I'd be able to raise my children without lying to them every time I talked about the mission ''I served''. But more than anything, I'd be able to feel God's presence in my life ALWAYS. I'd be able to partake of the sacrament worthily. I'd be able to actually enter into the temple worthily. I'd be able to feel the Spirit even more than I've felt it in the past. I'd be able to have Christ with me at all times like when He was with me in the decision I was choosing to make. President told me that he knew that I would be blessed. He said that his family absolutely loves me. His son Jerry wants to be just like me. He says that every missionary respects and loves me and that he was going to have me be his assistant this upcoming change. He said that he is so impressed with how much I've grown in these 20 months. He said that he's not sure what's going to happen to me and I told him that I didn't care what happened to me. I just wanted to know what I have to do to fully repent. He said that the chains of Satan are no longer over me. I'm free. The second I made the decision to repent and confess he lost all power over me. Now I just have to finish up the repentance process with the Lord's help and apply everything I've learned to not fall again. He doesn't think that I have a need to go home and that I should stay here then finish up any necessary repenting when I got home. He said that I've learned everything that I needed to learn from a mission and that the mission isn't as important as putting in practice what we learn after the mission. He told me to work with all my might to preach the gospel and help others feel the happiness of Christ's atonement like I was feeling it. 

I was able to talk to President Hinton and ask for forgiveness. He said that he loves me and that he's so happy that I made the decision to repent. It felt good to tell him, but I know that I'm going to need to ask for forgiveness from so many people before I receive the forgiveness that matters most, my Heavenly Father's. 

I'm so sorry Mom...I'm sorry for lying to you so much and for putting you through this. I never want to disobey you again. I never want you to have to worry about whether or not I'll be with you again after this life. I remember when we had a family home evening when I was like 7 or something and I asked you, ''will I make it to the celestial kingdom, Mom?'' and you said, ''Cameron, I KNOW that you're going to make it. Don't you worry about it.'' I also remember you saying that your mission in life was to make sure your boys serve missions. I may have let you down on that one but I hope you'll be able to forgive me and trust and help me enough to not let you down on the celestial kingdom one. 

I remember when Dad had a dream where I was sneaking off with a girl. He told me that it troubled him and that he wanted to know if I was ok.  I told him I was ok but I wasn't. I want to ask Dad for forgiveness again like I have in the past. He told me that he was going to find his mission stuff and share it with me when I get home. I'm so grateful for the mission that he served. It hurts me so much that I procrastinated my repentance and was a fraud for 20 months of my mission. When I become worthy to go to the temple I want to make it traditional thing where we go. I'm so grateful for all the years that he took us to Priesthood session and then asked us about our favorite talks. I will cherish every experience he's given me to help him believe that he is the best father a son can have. 

On the mission I've learned to have weekly talks with my companion to see how he's doing and what we need to do to make sure that we absolutely love each other and that there is no contention in our companionship. I'm going to do the same things with my brothers and sister. I hope they'll be able to forgive me and know that I love them so much. I don't care about any friends because they are the best friends I could have. It doesn't matter where I'll be, I'm going to talk to them weekly and see what I can do to be a better brother or what they need.

I know that Heavenly Father loves me. He has sent me so many people and has done so much to humble me and help me make the decision to get back on the path back to Him. I'm so glad that I made the choice to repent before conference because honestly, it was just for me. I was fasting and praying for the Lord to tell me what I'd need to do so that I can complete my repentance process and so that I don't fall again after I fully repent. I was so amazed at what was said in the first session. Pres Eyring talked about the protection and importance of Fasting and paying a generous offering. Three of the six talks were about marriage and had an emphasis on, ''it's not good for man to be alone.'' Priesthood session was so incredible. Ballard's interview helped me so much. Pres Uchtdorf described me to perfection. FAKE. If President Smith didn't help me enough to repent I know that this conference would have done the job. I can totally relate to Shakespeare’s play that Elder Dale G. Redlun quoted when he said,''Twas I but tis not I.'' It's so much easier to tell people about what I was now that I'm focusing on being what God wants me to be. I'm trying to do what Elder Zeballos (who has spoken to our mission 3 times since I've been here in Uruguay) said. Step four is being 100% willing to accept the Lord's will. I don't know where I’m headed but I'm willing to do what He wants. The talk about enduring to the end was incredible. I can't tell you everything I learned but it was for sure inspired. 

In response to your email.  We did notice the opposing votes in conference.  I did receive the two packages. I haven't received the Easter one. Thank you so much for all that you do. Thanks for your prayers. For right now I'll be with E' Lipo here in Montevideo... I'm sorry for everything, and I love you so much. 

E’ McRae